Why is it so, that something which gives us the greatest joy, is also the one that has the power to make us the most miserable?

Why is it so, that something which has the power to give is the greatest pain, is also the one that we most passionately love?

"Nothing grieves more deeply or pathetically than one half of a great love that isn’t meant to be."


"Loves are like that. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you started throwing people out - your friends and everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take down with it. That's why I'm sick of Love"


- Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

There cannot be a greater injustice done to a man than to have him made to believe, wrongly, that he has brains.

God. If u exist, I pray thee, please forgive my boss for the sins of his last birth. He is suffering everyday, due to an injustice done to him.

Help him reconcile to the reality that something had gone amiss inside his head while you were creating him. Please make him realise he is a born moron and a fool, which, if one sees is not at all his fault. Make him realise that he is suffering from a false perception of having a sane and an able mind. Please end his suffering God.

Please, please, please do this. And fast.

Me: We men have our egos. It does not allow us to accept our faults. We hate simple lives. We are all game for complexities. What fun is there in simplicity and in admitting our faults?

She: Shit, i hate these games men and women play with each other. But i play them too and i hate myself when i am doing it but that fucking ego screws me too. damn!!

Me: Yes, and we feel admitting our faults will make us less lovable, less respectable. After all, who wants to be in love with a person who has flaws. And that's where we use our egos, to protect ourselves from admitting our flaws. Because in reality, its just we who will start hating ourselves after we admit our flaws and mistakes.

She: Very very well put u can blog that.

Me: Talking to u is a self realisation process.

There are uncertainties and risks in everything that your heart truly desires. But some still choose to go ahead. And the difference between the people who are really happy and who are not is just this.

A bond of different sorts..

Not out need, nor triggred by attraction,
not based on love, nor fired by lust.
All it takes is brutal honesty,
and a little amount of trust.

Irony

BS does not know about SC.

SC knows the fact that i am meeting BS to decide on my marriage. She is mad on me coz i am delaying my meeting with BS.

GA sees the irony of the whole affair. She is the one I have told everything.

BS does not know about either SC or GA.

SC knows about BS but not about GA.

GA knows about both SC and BS. Few years back, she had never imagined she would have cared to know this much about me.

GA is someone with whom i have a heart-to-heart conversation. She is someone who would make a good life companion because of the understanding she shows.

Talk about Irony!!

(PS: BS, SC and GA are all female characters. Clarification was necessary because a tiny element of imagination would have just added to the irony of the whole situation)

If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you haven't got the joke.

We never had a future together. Fate had never imagined us to be together. But we met. And kept meeting. .

Now, I stand at a point where neither we can turn our backs to each other and walk away, pretending life never was what it was in last few days. Nor we can continue holding each other while gazing into each other's eyes for hours together, like we used to.

We had build a sand castle the other day on that lovely beach. Away from others, lost in each other, detached from the surrounding, we had built a dream. A dream, I knew, will be washed away one day, like our castle, by the crashing sea waves. But still, I chose to walk that way and built the dream, only for a moment's joy I derived while building something together.

I can say life is unfair. One never gets what one should get. But may be this was how it was meant to be.

Though only to part away, but atleast we met. Though only for a brief while, but we met.

The rest is fate!

So, Prashant is the new Indian Idol!!!

I am not surprised because i was least expecting this guy to win. No, i wasn't expecting Amit to win too. In fact i cared a damn for who won and who lost out of the two.

To me the Indian Idol 3 should have been chosen from one of the judges. I would not have been surprised to hear "The next Indian Idol is........ Javed Akhtar (or Anu Malik, or Alisa or Udit Narayan)".

Come on, wasn't the competition between the judges on who outsmarts the other on dishing out mindless praises. And putting up fake faces as if enjoying the performances like an orgasm?

Why do i still waste my time on watching television?

I got a sms few weeks back from her. On one Friday night at around 12.30 in the night. I was on my way back from some non-happening pub, was too exhausted after a long week and was awake way after my normal sleeping hours. (Between, i normally hit the bed by 10.30) but i still managed to give a reply, which i reread sometime later in the morning and cursed myself for writing something that stupid and senseless.

I was half expecting to get a reply when she messaged again on Saturday evening to which i replied and to which she replied and to which i replied again. In short, we exchanged few more messages on Saturday.

And while this episode continued, i wondered what i should make out of all this? The messages ended pretty much similarly like they started. Suddenly.

DS always says i am most confused guy he has met in life. He has known me too well in last few years and i may not trust his call on the markets but i do agree with him on this analysis. May be he should meet her too.

But all said and done, for the first time i am not confused about something. I clearly know that i need her in my life and also that i cant have her. Funny combination of things to be clear on at the same time.

Anyway.


P.S: Next post will have more meaningful content. Efforts shall be made towards the same.

There was a sense of ease while i used to write a journal. I did that few years back and still do it sometimes. There is something about writing a journal that will never be the same as writing here. Simply because those entries are not meant to be read by anyone. Anonymity helps to an extent, but still there are things i will write only in my journal. Things that are too sacred, if not too secret.

We don't chat anymore. Not after the day when i bared my heart and soul to her only to realize she wasn’t there where i was. But she signs-in everyday, which she never used to do before. And i find her presence comforting.

I click on gtalk every once in a while. Just to check if she is still around. And i feel all warm inside as i see her there.

I am a hopeless case i tell u.