You will always find ten different reasons to give up, and may be probably just one to keep going...

In the end, life's all about which number appealed to you the most.

10 or 1.

The world is round. And they say that you only have to walk far enough and you reach back where you started from. Pity, we forget a thing as simple as this.

Call it nature’s sense of justice, but life does come full circle. It all comes back, and what you receive back in life is strictly a matter of your personal choice. A choice whether you threw shit on their faces or showered them with lilacs and lilies...

Urdu:
Hum bhi dariya hai hamai, apna hunar maloom hai
Jis taraf bhi chal padenge, raasta banjayega.

(Translated)
I am an ocean
I know my strength.
In the direction i move,
I will pave my own path.

- Anon

It is only when you look closely that you see, that even the moon, ever so beautiful from a distance, has scars too.

Few days back I had asked AS if I should invite her for my marriage. His reply was simple, “I guess you wanted to marry her, not invite her for your marriage”. He has a knack, of hitting the nail directly, bang onto your head. But I still chose to ignore his advice. She was the first one to receive my invitation card.

She would never know how torn I was while I was inviting her for my wedding. I know my expressions and voice gave out nothing.

Yesterday she called me to check the dates I am going to be away for my honeymoon. She wants me to participate in her wedding sangeet program and was trying to work out dates for my practice accordingly. She wants me to dance for her wedding, like all her good friends. I said, Sure.

I just hope my voice gave out nothing yesterday as well. Dancing at her wedding cannot be that hard afterall.

I knew life was funny. Didn’t know it was ruthless as well.

Loving someone isn't an easy affair. It involves pain. More so, when you aint loved in return. The only available panacea to this pain is 'Hate'... that you end up using against the person you love.

Hate though, has a bad reputation of being the least faithful companion. This you realize after being ditched by it while you were banking on it the most. It leaves you. Suddenly. And vanishes into thin air, leaving you regretful for patronising it.

Once hate leaves, the bitch that it is, memories, suddenly surfaces from no where to show its face. Only to make the matters worse. She makes you remember the good times you had spent together. Reminds you how good life was just a few months ago. There is this thing about happy-loving-sweet memories, it makes you feel miserable.

Ironically, the only cure to this misery is love. Love, that same feeling you kept blaming all this while for putting you though all this in the first place. And alongside that a bit of honesty. To put a closure to things. So that you can move on and stop feeling anything about her, least of all disgusted about her lies.

And in the end of it all, as you move on, you want her to be happy and move on too with her life.

Yea, i know. Funny thing, this love!!

Knowing what is right or wrong is intelligence. Acting on that knowledge and doing the right is character.

Our greatest pains are the ones that are caused by the people who we had once loved very fondly. Rightly so as the thing that can touch our core only has the power to shake and stir us.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Life would have been much simpler if only we had the power to love someone and un-love someone at our own will.

While its so easy for us to trust a stranger readily, its so difficult to trust someone you love. Especially after having been betrayed once.

There's a truth deeper than experience. It's beyond what we see, or even what we feel. It's an order of truth that separates the profound from the merely clever, and the reality from the perception. We're helpless, usually, in the face of it; and the cost of knowing it, like the cost of knowing love, is sometimes greater than any here would willingly pay. It doesn't always help us to love the world, but it does prevent us from hating the world.

- Shantaram

Two senior managers from our HR team are quibbling in the next cubicle. I can’t hear them clearly, but i can make out they are arguing over something very trivial. And i can’t help but think that their department's most important KRA is to manage conflicts amongst us.....

********

They say pain is a good teacher. That is if you are a good disciple. Its only when you are deep down drowned in sorrow that you get a clear perspective on lot of things. Its only then you suddenly start seeing things clearly. Not the way you had always wanted to, but the way they actually are.

Agreed. All that is very good. But for a change can i have some happiness also, please? Thank you.

********

Now one of them is apologizing to the other. Looks like he realized the mistake. His or someone else's i do not know. It hardly matters. As long as he has realized that there was something that needed fixing and he has fixed it.


My faith in our HR team stands reinstated.

I no longer want to be happy happy. I am happy being perpetually depressed. I do not believe in theory of thinking positive and being happy. Its proponents can go fuck their own arse, or do whatever they wish to do for keeping themselves happy, as long they do not bother me with their mind numbing senseless advice.


I am broke. My entire net worth has eroded. My portfolio is showing negative returns and my pay day is still a week away. If there is anything at all that will help me right now, its either some more capital infusion or an overnight recovery of the global markets. So Mr. Positive Thinking, if you really want to help, go do something to the markets or lend me some money. If you cant do either, the content in first para is just for you.

Today, one is not ruminating over the emotions that were invested in someone. Emotions, which in retrospect, seems could have been invested someplace better. But one is still happy about what one did. We are determined to carry only happy memories ahead. One has just too many unhappy ones in stock to add on to it.

One can think of no reason to be sad today. So one is happy.

And also a tad bit wiser than yesterday.

Why is it so, that something which gives us the greatest joy, is also the one that has the power to make us the most miserable?

Why is it so, that something which has the power to give is the greatest pain, is also the one that we most passionately love?

"Nothing grieves more deeply or pathetically than one half of a great love that isn’t meant to be."


"Loves are like that. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you started throwing people out - your friends and everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take down with it. That's why I'm sick of Love"


- Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

There cannot be a greater injustice done to a man than to have him made to believe, wrongly, that he has brains.

God. If u exist, I pray thee, please forgive my boss for the sins of his last birth. He is suffering everyday, due to an injustice done to him.

Help him reconcile to the reality that something had gone amiss inside his head while you were creating him. Please make him realise he is a born moron and a fool, which, if one sees is not at all his fault. Make him realise that he is suffering from a false perception of having a sane and an able mind. Please end his suffering God.

Please, please, please do this. And fast.

Me: We men have our egos. It does not allow us to accept our faults. We hate simple lives. We are all game for complexities. What fun is there in simplicity and in admitting our faults?

She: Shit, i hate these games men and women play with each other. But i play them too and i hate myself when i am doing it but that fucking ego screws me too. damn!!

Me: Yes, and we feel admitting our faults will make us less lovable, less respectable. After all, who wants to be in love with a person who has flaws. And that's where we use our egos, to protect ourselves from admitting our flaws. Because in reality, its just we who will start hating ourselves after we admit our flaws and mistakes.

She: Very very well put u can blog that.

Me: Talking to u is a self realisation process.

There are uncertainties and risks in everything that your heart truly desires. But some still choose to go ahead. And the difference between the people who are really happy and who are not is just this.

A bond of different sorts..

Not out need, nor triggred by attraction,
not based on love, nor fired by lust.
All it takes is brutal honesty,
and a little amount of trust.

Irony

BS does not know about SC.

SC knows the fact that i am meeting BS to decide on my marriage. She is mad on me coz i am delaying my meeting with BS.

GA sees the irony of the whole affair. She is the one I have told everything.

BS does not know about either SC or GA.

SC knows about BS but not about GA.

GA knows about both SC and BS. Few years back, she had never imagined she would have cared to know this much about me.

GA is someone with whom i have a heart-to-heart conversation. She is someone who would make a good life companion because of the understanding she shows.

Talk about Irony!!

(PS: BS, SC and GA are all female characters. Clarification was necessary because a tiny element of imagination would have just added to the irony of the whole situation)