Decisions

It always used to surprise me how my 'must have traits' list changed every time someone asked what kind of a life partner I want (well, Aish is officially now Abhishek's so I do need to look for someone else). And then one day suddenly it dawned to me that the problem is not with me but with the question itself.

How can I say for sure that I will be compatible with this kind of a person and not compatible with the other kind? (That being said I am sure I will be damn happy spending my life with Aish, but what effect does my wanting have on my chances of getting her is a pertinent question in itself). But keeping the question aside for a while, to ascertain with confidence that one can be happy with someone having so and so qualities and so and so nature is not merely difficult but next to impossible.

Not only that, the whole idea of defining 'must-have traits' is totally impractical. How many times in our lives we have made friends keeping certain parameters in mind? We have rarely I guess.

But as I say this and easily shift the complete blame of not being sure about what I want in life (and in my life-partner), I have come to realize this one thing. That throughout our life we analyze and counter analyze things. We try to conclude whether this thing will make us happy or that thing. And especially when you are an MBA your analysis becomes even more complex. Involving various useless tools and factors like cost-benefit analysis, dependency factor, risk analysis etc etc. which is nothing but bullshit ways of deferring the decisions that you do not want to take.

But life's all about making decisions. And we forget that this faculty of analysis is there for helping us in avoiding wrong decisions. Not for avoiding decisions altogether.

Suspended!!

This feeling of "Suspension". The immersion of soul and each particle of the body dissolving to this feeling of weightlessness. The awareness of this moment, bearing no refernece to a past, promising nothing about a future. Just this moment, suspended, with no sense of time drifting by.

The tears, warm and delicate, waiting on the verge to purge the pain...waiting for the eyelids to blink, but the eyelids refusing to let the suffering ease. The tears will have to wait.

The sound of Music, with pain in each word that is sung, filing the air. The music and its lyrics melting slowly and filling the vacuum within.

The dreams, floating so close that the arms could grab them, if only the desire to grab was not lost …

A lump in the throat, having the sum total of emotions waiting to be expressed. An expression, not dependent on spoken words. Eyes have a language of its own, if only her eyes could look into these eyes.

Some people call this pain.. Its only that they dont know what is called living!!

Sticky Past

Our present is a sum total of our pasts. This moment is a resultant of our many previous actions and decisions. All of them intervoven together to create this liked or disliked present moment.

I sometimes wonder what would have been our lives like had we had the power to change one single detail from our past. For one i know, it may result in me not being present here, typing what i am typing right now. One single decision changed from my past, would have landed me in a totally differnt geography right now (and obviously a differnt time zone), in a differnt state of mind and involved in differnt state of affairs. I would have had differnt set of people to assosiate with, a differnt set of people who i would have called friends and office colleagues (and a different boss, ofcouse!).

Past can never be changed ofcourse. The fact remains that we humans are powerless in that sense. But assuming, just for a moment, if we had the power to change one thing from our past, what would it be?

I sometimes wonder what makes us more miserable...
Not getting what we want in life
Or not wanting what we'hv already got.

Greed & Fear

The interplay of these two emotions is interesting.

The fact about Greed and Fear is that there is no situation where fear exists without Greed or Desire.

Fear of losing out in career exists only bcoz there is greed of making it to the top. Fear of death exist only bcoz there is a desire to live. Fear of losing a loved one exists only bcoz there is desire to receive love.

Mothers have been using this understanding as their ultimate weapon for ages. My nephew likes to play with cars. He very rarely misbehaves with his mother. But whenever he does, reminding him that he may not get his new car is all it takes to set him straight.

If you look into the history, you will find countless examples where few people have successfully played with these basic emotions to their advantage and have created a mass followings.

In corporate world, successful leaders know and use this trick very well. Incentives, bonuses, esops are just ways of instilling fear by showing greed. Some slog coz they need their jobs and fear losing it...some slog coz that year end bonus is too attractive to miss out on.

Whatever instance you take, the trick to instill fear is simple .... "Breed Greed".

The Essence of Love

Today's Sunday Times is carrying an article on "Why girls fall for married men?"

It said, married men have a aura of confidence and emotional stability which attract girls. And its not that only girls get attracted to married men. I know guys who are also who find married women (read mature and emotionally stable) more attractive. These women are "Thinking Men's Goddess". They are way too attractive compared to those snooty fancy college girl types. In my opinion men who get attracted to these college girl types invariably realize that they have been chasing something ephemeral, which is going to die out sooner rather than later.

No i am not promoting extra marital affairs by any chance. It’s not necessary that a mature and emotionally stable woman have to be necessarily married. The reference to married men / women here is just to emphasize on the qualities these people have that make them attractive....

A strong relationship is a result of comfort two people share with each other. And according to me it comes only with maturity of thoughts and emotional stability.

Planning Sucks.

The biggest of all problems that mankind has been burdened with is the existence of "Options" in life. Had it been just one single choice, it would have been much simpler. To increase the problem (especially my problem) God has been extra kind on me and bestowed me with the capability of planning.

To some it may sound like an unnecessary crib. Afterall, an ability to plan is not be a big virtue, but its certainly is not a vice.

To me, it certainly is a PROBLEM, coz although i plan rarely, its always a meticulous act.

A meticulous act which results in wastage of efforts coz things never turn out the way I plan.

The genius who said "Everything that can go wrong will always go wrong".. was right in my case...It Applies 100% on me.


So from today, NO MORE PLANNING. It will be "LIVING LIFE AS IT COMES"